Apocalypse Rescheduled for Super Bowl Half Time Show

fbjMomentum has been building for a few years around the notion that the world will end on December  21, 2012. This is a conversation that draws much intrigue and controversy as the impending date draws ever closer.

The belief was first attributed to the thousands-year-old Mayan Long Calendar, which experts say predicts the precise date of the end-times. This fore-telling is also said to be supported in a multitude of varied cultures and religions around the world– from the writings of Nostradamus to the book of Revelations in the New Testament; as well as to some more frivolously stated opinions, such as “John Cusack said so”.

Over this past weekend an unprecedented summit was held in a remote village in Honduras. It was a meeting hosted by an indigenous tribe long-held to have its ancestral roots in the Mayan culture, and claiming spiritual authority of Mayan beliefs and rites. Also in attendance were religious leaders and spokes-people from a cross-section of the worlds many

faiths, as well as some  state leaders, and also representatives from the NFL, Fox broadcasting and lobbyists representing the companies who spend billions of dollars every year on television advertising.

At the end of the three day affair, it was announced that all parties involved had come to a very wide-reaching decision– The Apocalypse would be rescheduled to coincide with the half-time show of the Feb 3rd 2013 Super Bowl, to be held in New Orleans; a city well suited as the setting for the end of the world, most sources agree.

Scriptural adjustments will be made over the next few weeks to reflect this change, and Expert Chronologists are determining as we speak what will be the best way to add approximately forty-five days to the ancient Mayan calendar.

The Super Bowl is generally the most widely watched television event in any given year, and all the institutions represented  at the Honduran Counsel felt compelled to capitalize on this fact, and most felt that combining these events would do well for everyone.

The Half Time show of the Super Bowl has, for years, been a showcase for long-since-relevant rock and roll dynasties and modern-day pop personalities hired mostly for their ‘train-wreck capacity quotient’– the likeliness that they will do or say something embarrassing in their set, giving us all something to laugh about for months to come.

The 2013 Super Bowl Half Time show now promises to be much, much different than any show in the past. Although, if any specifics have yet be planned, they are being kept under very tight wraps. Some may expect to see the Universe simply blinking out of existence; others expect plagues of locusts and frogs; some say there will be fire and brimstone and judgement for all of mankind; still others talk of four horsemen their returning messiah.

There is no word at this time whether returning prophets will be expected to make a speech, or simply lip-sync something. But, whatever you believe in your soul or expect from professional sports, The 2013 Super Bowl New Orleans End-Times Half-Time Spectacular will be a sight that no one should, and might not be able to, miss.

©2011 Robert Emmett McWhorter

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