Abraham Presley

Abraham Lincoln and Elvis Presley happen to run into one another in a barbershop. The barber is so surprised to see the both of them together, he accidentally chops off both their heads, and nervously tries to sew them back on; but ends up switching them around.They leave and go their separate ways without noticing the mix up of heads. The Abraham Lincoln body with the Elvis-head makes it halfway to the park when he notices what happened. After a minute of apprehension and confusion, he becomes excited at the potential and possibilities made available by this combination of Lincoln-body, and Elvis-head.

He rushes around the town performing great deeds; bounding with energy he zips from tragedy to crisis, overjoyed by the thrill of assisting them all. He rescues a cat from a tree; saves children from a burning building; helps an elderly couple across a busy intersection; and then reroutes the road to make it less crowded. He builds a library; streamlines the towns financial structure, saving the towns people tax dollars; and clubs a group of seal clubbers.Filled with the immense sense of accomplishment– not ego driven, a pure feeling of joy from doing good– he walks back into town toward the barbershop, to thank the barber; sincere gratitude for the serendipitous slice and swap.

On the sidewalk near the barbershop, he sees his other half– the Lincoln-headed Elvis-body– slowly shuffling along, with his head down, staring at the ground. It turns its head up toward him in asks, “Where did you go off to?”

Elvis-headed Abraham-body tells his other half of all the things he’s done since discovering the change; regaling in the good he’s done. “I saved a cat from a tree, some children from a burning building, helped an elderly couple across the busy street, and redirected traffic to ease constriction on the road. I built them a library and restructured their finances, and also I pounded some poachers. So, please tell me,” he says to his opposite self, fully anticipating some equally fulfilling stories. “What have you been doing since discovering this wonderful mishap?”

“I went to a theater,” the Lincoln-head with an Elvis-body spoke meekly, grinding a shoe into gravel. “I spent the whole day watching replay after replay of a movie called ‘Dude, Wheres My Car?’.”

 © Robert Emmett McWhorter (feb 11,2004)

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