It’s time to rotate and change your calendar, if your grasp of time is tenuous, please do not hesitate to contact a professional and ensure your transition into the future is as safe and smooth as possible…
So, just to be a pain in the ass and to stay true to my usual MO of difficulty and absurdity, I have decided that I don’t believe in New Years. I guess this is in part due to the politically correct atheists and all the fun they get to have keeping people on their toes around the holidays, and all the trouble they get to cause, everybody walking around on egg-shells and watching what they say. Not being insensitive to the beliefs of others, and just to be on the safe side, I have been wishing everyone a Merry Christmas/ Happy Hannukah/ Solemn Ramadan/ Festive Tet/ Joyous Solstice/ Rewarding Brumalia/ Enlightening Kwanzaa/ and a Festivus for the rest of us.
But due to my personal beliefs I just cannot join in with their rain-down games, plus all that PC nonsense, as absurd as it is, just isn’t silly enough for me.
So I have renounced New Years. Of course I can back this up historically, it was only in the fifteenth century with the adoption of the Gregorian calendar that January 1st got the honor as international hang-over day .Previously, according to the Roman calendar, new years came late in march. Many cultures still start their new year with the beginning of spring. Chinese and Hebrew traditions still hold fast to their differing views of when one year ends and the next begins.
So who can say, really, when the year ends. I suppose realistically, it is relative to each person, depending on when they were born, technically speaking, a new year for myself would begin on March 20 (eerily coinciding with the ancient Roman calendar). Not to mention the other planets, with completely different solar cycles. I can almost assure you that the Beagle 2 Probe is not celebrating a new year tonight, but that is another story for another time…
So I realize this new credo puts me out of step with the rest of the western hemisphere, and most of the rest of the world. This does not bother me. As my friends around the world look back upon the past year, and make resolutions they have no real intentions of keeping in the next; as the Earth slowly rotates and rings in the celebration from one time zone to the next, I would just like to take this opportunity to wish peace and love to everyone, no matter what you do or do not believe in, and wish everyone, heartfelt and sincerely, have a festive Calendar Recycling Day.
(Wednesday, 31 December 2003)