Credit: Player One: 90 days remaining

This Just In!

pleasefeedThe United States Government has gathered nickels from couch cushions and dimes stuffed in corners. The pilot found four dollars in the cup holders of Air Force One. Mitch McConnell was convinced to sell some of his kraut-rock record collection.

The collectors will finally stop calling. The Election Company won’t drop the twenty four billion dollars in late fees, rate increases and rustier status, but as usual we can leave that until later. Much later, hopefully the next shift.

failTwenty four billion, that should teach us how dedicated they are to eliminating government overspending.

John Boehner just went to the bank and broke his billion dollar bill. He has gone out now to pay the meter. An ambassador from China will be by in the morning to remove the boot from the Capital.

©Robert Emmett McWhorter