(work in progress- pass 3).
Check back in a couple days, this should be in full color.
Bill Sprud, the often beleaguered mayor of Meow Town, Flip Top Island, held a press conference today to announce he is running for president, asking everyone to ‘Vote Sprud in ’15!’
A journalist quickly pointed out that the next presidential elections will be in November 2016.
“That’s why I’m running in ’15,” Sprud replied, “Early worm gets the bird.”
A group from Earlham Iowa identifying itself as Citizen Against Unamericanism & Socialism & Evilution (CAUSE) is planning a march on Washington DC later this month to publicize their cause and try to drum the president or congress into some type of action.
They are calling for a full boycott of companies who advertise on the Weather Channel. Their online campaigns at [whine&cheese.net] and [soapbox]have spread petitions world-wide calling on people to stop watching the Weather Channel and stop buying from anyone who supports their Orson Wellian 1984 remake of War of the Worlds scare tactics. Some local affiliates and cable providers have recently stopped offering the channel in certain areas.
The group’s leader, Leigh Donald Day say CAUSE, which they pronounce as ‘cuz,‘ wants the FCC to step in and stop the Weather Channel as a matter of National Security.
Their initial complaint was that programming on the Weather Channel has grown increasingly violent over recent years, and is no longer suitable for children to watch, with an increase in fatalities from tsunamis and hurricanes and volcano eruptions and virgin sacrifice as well as spontaneous combustion. The group has been pressing harder in recent weeks since the snow storms covering much of the country are causing so many children to miss extended lengths of school time due to all the ‘Snow Days.’
When reached for comment the president declined to speak on the matter, saying it was utterly ridiculous and he had nothing to hide, but was currently busy on sky writing mission aboard Air Force One, spelling out ‘HAARP’ in the chem-trail clouds.
Flip Top News vows you bring you the latest on this story as more develops.
OK! This is turning into a rather large project now, here are all TEN of them. I have a few more up my sleeve still, so stay tuned.
Each of these is a scene from a story from my collection, MEOWING ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE, which is available absolutely everywhere, in paperback and ebook. Folks who have read it and still maintain the ability to communicate are giving it rave reviews! Saying things like, “This looks like a real book!” and “Stay crunchy in milk!”
All the cool kids are doing it!!! Get your copy today!!!
I closed my eyes as hard as they would go, somehow thinking it would make me quieter. I twisted the knob, deliberately and delicately, praying and hoping the door wouldn’t make any noise as I pushed it open.
I opened my eyes. A scream flew out of my throat when I saw the clown staring at me. I saw the frame and realized it was only a painting. The giant round red nose pulsated, and the clown appeared to swim flat against the wall, one eye at a time bulging. My heart was trying to break free through my throat.
The sweaty fog of delusion hung over the ancient bones and fossil caves. Six erections and a batch of wristwatch clams stuck sweetly in Horse-faucet’s coat pocket., he stapled the ransom note to his forehead and strode into the bar.
He spoke liquid words that stirred the dust of a dozen sleeping drunkards. Dentist was nowhere to be seen. He was in fact on hiatus, trekking the egg yolks of dilapidated villas and the recycled law enforcement strategies which had battered many a poor man.
The sun fell swiftly like two large omelets skiing naked in a carbonated water bag. Horse-Faucet knew the meaning of the word facilitate, but often confused erotic with exotic. He spent too much time in pet shops and smelled of sleep… bad sleep.
Just as the last train was turning its oars toward the ocean, Horse-Faucet found himself face to freckle with the impeccable shot of Dentist’s long arm. Time stood still, the air was so stiff you could get rug-burn just thinking of pork. Paper-cuts flew left and right, when the steam cleared and frogs settled in for the winter. Dentist lay dampened and Horse-faucet was gone, never to be thought of again.
(recently recovered in an anarcheological dig within my closet, the notebook it was extracted from has been carbonation dated circa 1991)