Knock. Untuner of Guitars.

Another Guitar God uncovered during closet archaeology

Knock. Untuner of strings, God of the open mic. Legend says if you say his name three times from the stage, someone will loosen your teeth for you with their fists.

His name is Knock. Untuner of guitars, God of the open mic. Legend says if you say his name three times from the stage, someone will loosen your teeth for you with their fists. (circa 1994)

Making It with FAE KIT

Start your day with Fae!

Making It With Fae Kit. Follow the adventures of a brand new writer. Laugh along as she learns all the lessons the hard way. Brand spankin’ new on Eat, Sleep, Write!

FAE5-sq6.17.14 — #5 — Fae vs. Feline II
http://eatsleepwrite.net/faekit5

6.10.14 — #4 — Fae vs. Feline
http://eatsleepwrite.net/faekit4

6.3.14 — #3 — Fae vs. Fae
http://eatsleepwrite.net/faekit3

5.27.14 — #2 — Fae vs. Spelling
http://eatsleepwrite.net/faekit2

5.19.14 — #1 Fae vs. Fonts
http://eatsleepwrite.net/faekit1

New Study: Extinct Animals Were Mostly Bad At Capitalism

Flip Top News Logo

Flip Top News Logo

A new government study reveals a correlation between animal species which have gone extinct in the last few centuries, and their lack of participation in the free market system. To put it bluntly, the species which no longer survive were lousy capitalists.

At best some of these breeds had attained a rudimentary comprehension of bartering. But most animals packs or other social orders do usually border on socialism or communism. Even the bees, whose own numbers have recently been on the decline. Despite living in a system of monarchy, essentially a dictatorship, bees have proven to be beneficial to the planet and to mankind. Unfortunately they have been unable to protect their assets, and are known to invest widely and foolishly.

Experts now place some of the blame on the animals themselves, for not adapting and embracing the simplest of financial concepts or even a common currency.

extinctMany say this is one aspect of a larger problem. Wildlife in general is unwilling to adapt to modern ways of life.

Even to this day, most animals refuse to cooperate in any established social norms. Governments around the world have invested money, time, and effort. They have installed ‘Animal Crossing’ signs on roads where automobiles and animals often intersect. To this day though, you would be hard pressed to find any animals actually crossing at the signs. They refuse to use them or indeed obey any traffic regulations. You would think they couldn’t even read them. Everyday, animals still haphazardly cross the busy roads and highways whenever and where ever they please.

Unavoidable Nose Tip Reactions

Unavoidable Nose Tip Reactions (drawing 1993- digital 2014)

Unavoidable Nose Tip Reactions (drawing 1993- digital 2014)

Four Inch Failures

A recently unearthed cartoon from 1996.

FIF

FIF2

FIF3

Humor Me — Eat, Sleep, Write

The Wednesday edition of my regular blog over at Eat, Sleep Write.
http://eatsleepwrite.net/humorme

Any Team Can Have A Bad Eon

goatThere’s a mantra one will hear in Chicago. It starts in the spring and usually by June it grows to a cacophony of disgust. “There’s always next year.”

Today the teams owners spoke up about this oft repeated phrase. They are asking everyone to refrain from saying it, as it gives the coaching staff and management unbearable anxiety. The thought of putting together a successful team and having them ready to compete in only a year,  it puts a lot of pressure on the organization.

The city is developing a concession phrase, working with the team as well as the general public. So far their offerings of “Give it ten years or so,” and “There will be other millennia,” were both rejected by the team as unrealistic time frames.

In the end the Cubs and the city came to an agreement. The phrase they chose is much longer than anyone wanted. It lacks the poetic ring of the old phrase, but at least it now reflects an attainable goal for the team.

“There will always be survivors in the dystopian post-nuclear-apocalypse wasteland, and perhaps some of them will form a baseball team as a nostalgic display of escapism, maybe then, and only then, will the Cubs have a chance at winning their division.”

Chicago Cubs Finish Season 0-1

L_FlagThe Chicago Cubs have set a new world record for shortest baseball season. Yep, that’s it folks, it’s already over. After losing yesterdays season opener, the Cubs are already finished for the year.

Sports analysts and trigonometry professors have looked at the numbers and they agree; on this, the second day of the baseball season, the Cubs have been mathematically eliminated from play off considerations.

The teams management did not seem surprised at all by today’s findings. They stated early on not too expect too much from the team this year, as this is still part of the Cub’s ‘rebuilding century.’

In Response to the Meeping Angels

Doctor Whoneydew.
“Meeping Angels!” he shouts, “Whatever you do, Don’t Blink!”
Easy for you to say, Doc, you don’t have any eyes…

Doctor Whoneydew

Doctor Whoneydew

Flip Top in Slumberland

A Salute to Winsor McCay

Flip Top in Slumberland: A  Salute to Winsor McCay

Flip Top in Slumberland: A Salute to Winsor McCay

 

NSA Falls Victim to Nigerian Prince Scam

Dateline, Washington DC.

fliptopthumbThe Department of Justice reported Monday that it is investigating whether the federal government has fallen victim to an international scam. Since they began intercepting and reading all our email, the NSA has sent over $63 Billion to members of the Nigerian royal family. The Agencies defends these actions, saying they seemed to be sure-fire, safe investments.

To this date, none of the investments have returned any money. Many of the alleged Nigerian royals who orchestrated these exchanges have gone missing.

Officials state they became suspicious when someone from the State Department read a Wikipedia entry on Nigeria. It informed him that Nigeria has a democratic government and not a monarchy. Indeed, there is no Nigerian royal family at all.

Federal officials are blaming the overwhelming amount of information they have to sift through and the speed it requires to read “every… damn… email…” They cite the fact that the average American reads .5% (zero point five percent) of the emails they receive, while the Government reads it all. This often leaves individual agents in a torpid, trance-like state. They become vulnerable to predators and susceptible to suggestion.

As the DOJ digs to the bottom of this case, other departments are starting to take notice and look for evidence of fraud. The General Accounting Office announced they may launch an investigation of their own. They admitted there is a chance one or several of the three dozen Golden Gate Bridges the Federal Government recently purchased may in fact be forgeries.

The Law of More

The Elimination of Middlemen

The Elimination of Middlemen

Moore’s law, put simply, states that computing power will double every eighteen months. This was predicted back in 1965 at the dawn of modern computing and has so far held true. What used to be a precious and costly commodity is now being produced at an exponentially faster rate. Some find this humorous, in a sardonic way. To others it is overwhelming.

The Commodore 64 when it was introduced boasted sixty-four kilobytes of RAM, all within that ‘little’ box. There is the famous quote from one of the pioneers in the industry where he can’t ever foresee anyone needing more than 64k. Only a decade earlier such an extravagant amount of memory would require an entire building. Nowadays memory is so cheap you can easily afford to store a well-stocked bookstore on the phone in your pocket.

It’s amazing how far we have come. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai it took two tablets to hold ten short paragraphs. Nowadays even the most basic tablet or ereader can store dozens, even hundreds, of books in their entirety.