Take Me In

second handlerTake me in,
It’s not sin unless
You’re sure of what you’re doing,
And I’m always misconstruing
What you say.

And you told me it’s not love
Until our toes are all pointed upward.

And I admire you so much
I have to think of you
As several different people,
Standing together,
With your eyes to the sun,
And a large financial backer
At your side.

When you said my head would heal
I couldn’t tell
If you were generally concerned,
Or just stalling for time
While you his the ice-pick.

When you said that love would rule
I didn’t know
That you planned to raise an army.
Now I’m trying to enlarge my breasts
So you’ll talk to me again.

Take me in,
Take me off your mailing list.
I don’t want your
Plain-wrapped packages no more.

 

©Robert Emmett McWhorter/
published by Hermetic
Medical Records (ASCAP)

Arturo The Cucumber

grapeArturo the Cucumber
When will you learn?
That Matches can’t swim,
And Monkeys won’t burn.
When the yearn man knocks,
Quick! Let him in.
Everything you want will be yours,
When you need it.

Arturo the Cucumber,
When will you learn?

He sang and he skipped.
He tripped over easy.
He spun and he spun,
Until he felt queasy.
He said to himself,
‘I must be a Clock’
‘Cuz nibblers don’t spittle,
And Boulders won’t rock.

Arturo the Cucumber,
When will you learn?

He tried and he tried,
But couldn’t succeed.
So he kicked his feet,
And tried just to bleed.
His Medical Record
Skipped over Splotches
Of Juices of Uses,
A Noose in it’s Notches.

Arturo the Cucumber,
When will you learn?

©Robert Emmett McWhorter/
published by Hermetic
Medical Records (ASCAP)
(circa 1994)