Johnson & Grandparents

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A tale regaling the early hey-day, the golden age of Time Travel.

It’s tough to find a good time time-travel provider these days, someone reliable and affordable. The commercialization of the Time Line brought the usual lazy capitalists into the arena, companies that built their fortune by billing for weight and distance in years of the destination. All of known history was soon cluttered and muddled, and it is impossible anymore to discern how long this has been going on or exactly when it started.

Some will say it was a mistake for Abraham Lincoln to make such wide and lasting declarations, praising the temporal transportation industry. Some of the older citizens among us still swear they remember a version of the Gettysburg Address without many of the paragraphs about time travel. It’s no longer possible to prove one way or the other. Anyone with the latest version of LinearShop Pro can go back and redraw it for all of us to recall any way they choose.

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Credit: Player One: 90 days remaining

This Just In!

pleasefeedThe United States Government has gathered nickels from couch cushions and dimes stuffed in corners. The pilot found four dollars in the cup holders of Air Force One. Mitch McConnell was convinced to sell some of his kraut-rock record collection.

The collectors will finally stop calling. The Election Company won’t drop the twenty four billion dollars in late fees, rate increases and rustier status, but as usual we can leave that until later. Much later, hopefully the next shift.

failTwenty four billion, that should teach us how dedicated they are to eliminating government overspending.

John Boehner just went to the bank and broke his billion dollar bill. He has gone out now to pay the meter. An ambassador from China will be by in the morning to remove the boot from the Capital.

©Robert Emmett McWhorter