A Nation Comes Together Against SPOILERS

fliptopthumbIn light of some television networks and news agencies publishing Olympic
updates from Sochi before they have been officially aired in prime time, The
President, Congress and the FCC are dropping all other matters to address the national outrage over ‘Spoilers.’

Most citizens agree there should be a Standard National Spoiler Disclosure
Protocol in place, regulated by the FCC, which would force broadcasters to use a ‘SPOILER’ tag or similar disclaimer when revealing sensitive information, or face fines and penalties and possibly have their license revoked for repeated infractions.

Americans are outraged, not only for the irresponsible handling of medal counts
at the Olympics, but for other recent infractions including the Game of Thrones
season ending cliff-hanger, the Breaking Bad finale, and the almost instant
reporting of ‘more trite nonsense’ that accompanies any new Twilight movie
release.

After years of being splintered by national debates on political matters such as
the economy, national security, employee rights, voter rights, civil rights,
entitlements and government spending, it seems the American people finally have
an issue we can all come together on, and rally as one voice for some real,
substantial change.

The Director of the NSA, Gen. Keith Alexander, addressed the press today, saying, “After reading countless personal emails and private messages, we are aware that the Spoiler issue is the number one priority in the agenda of the average American household, and it should be ours as well.”

Congress announced it is pulling manpower and money away from immigration, the
drug war, maintaining Guantanamo bay with an eye toward its decommission, and
the crumbling infrastructure of the nation, to focus our minds and our finances
on how to properly identify and warn about Spoilers, and other related
matters such as how long is the statute of spoiler limitations? Is giving away
the plot-lines of Firefly, now ten years in the public eye, still a
prosecutable offense? How soon is too soon?

The President, Congress, Senate and other government VIPs are said to be forming
an expert committee to deal with this emergency, and promises to put all other
matters aside until this is dealt with to mutual satisfaction.

Joe Krumpnall, an out of work auto mechanic and ex-vet we interviewed today
seemed to reflect the Government’s and the people’s beliefs. “I have no job and
no money and I’m sick but I can’t go to the doctor because I have no insurance.
And I’m currently playing a sort of roulette game; will my electricity be cut
off before my television and phone service, or will my landlord beat them both with his
ten-day notice to evict? I tell you what, the only thing that keeps me sane recently after a long day of hunting for work and begging for
help is to come home and watch some young girls sliding a rock across the ice
and sweeping it home. Now that’s ruined, since they announced all the curling results and medal winners already on the five o’clock news.”

American officials are consulting with the British Government and the BBC. They specifically want to find out how the Doctor Who Fiftieth Anniversary Special was handled so adeptly. For the better part of a year secrets were kept under lock and key, even from cast and crew. There were denials and rumors and denial of rumors, but in the end it was kept mostly a secret on a level with most matters of National
Security, until Tom Baker made his return to the show for the first time since
the 1980s.

Oh, have I said too much? There’s a helicopter overhead and a black van in the
driveway. Someone is pounding on the door. I’ll be right back…

Vote Sprud in ’15

billsprudBill Sprud, the often beleaguered mayor of Meow Town, Flip Top Island, held a press conference today to announce he is running for president, asking everyone to ‘Vote Sprud in ’15!’

A journalist quickly pointed out that the next presidential elections will be in November 2016.

“That’s why I’m running in ’15,” Sprud replied, “Early worm gets the bird.”

Shutting down the weather channel

fliptopnewsA group from Earlham Iowa identifying itself as Citizen Against Unamericanism & Socialism & Evilution (CAUSE) is planning a march on Washington DC later this month to publicize their cause and try to drum the president or congress into some type of action.

They are calling for a full boycott of companies who advertise on the Weather Channel. Their online campaigns at [whine&cheese.net]  and [soapbox]have spread petitions world-wide calling on people to stop watching the Weather Channel and stop buying from anyone who supports their Orson Wellian 1984 remake of War of the Worlds scare tactics. Some local affiliates and cable providers have recently stopped offering the channel in certain areas.

The group’s leader, Leigh Donald Day say CAUSE, which they pronounce as ‘cuz,‘ wants the FCC to step in and stop the Weather Channel as a matter of National Security.

Their initial complaint was that programming on the Weather Channel has grown increasingly violent over recent years, and is no longer suitable for children to watch, with an increase in fatalities from tsunamis and hurricanes and volcano eruptions and virgin sacrifice as well as spontaneous combustion. The group has been pressing harder in recent weeks since the snow storms covering much of the country are causing so many children to miss extended lengths of school time due to all the ‘Snow Days.’

When reached for comment the president declined to speak on the matter, saying it was utterly ridiculous and he had nothing to hide, but was currently busy on sky writing mission aboard Air Force One, spelling out ‘HAARP’ in the chem-trail clouds.

Flip Top News vows you bring you the latest on this story as more develops.