New Triangulated Business Structure Offers Opportunities To Investors At Every Level

Flip Top News LogoAnnouncer:
Most diets are destined to fail because they force unrealistic demands upon us. They ask us to change what we eat and how we eat it, often replacing the foods we love with pale and tasteless imitations. They often also expect us to get off the couch and exercise. Not video game exercise, genuine grunting and stretching. Between family and work and internet bullying, who has time to exercise? Like, real exercise, down on the ground sweating all over yourself.

With the new Gravitas Lunar Weight Loss Program, we promise results with just a little pill and a change of scenery. You will never be asked to give up your favorite foods or how frequently you eat them. And no one will dare ask you to lift a finger toward improving your own health.

It’s a two step system; it’s so easy anyone can do it. First, you take the Gravitas Metabolism Enhancing Medication daily as directed by a shady chemist who can write scripts.*

Gravitas is a simple weight loss medication that the FDA doesn’t even want to talk about because it is so safe and it’s effects are so miniscule. It’s not worth their time.**

You can tell it’s working when you start to grind your teeth, and soon your other bones. It also provides a detached dreamlike daze which will make your daily life seem like a radio program you can vaguely recall hearing as a child, from a radio made of static in another room. You will not be able to give a damn about anything, and you’ll feel great! Once the stress is gone, the pounds falls off. Everyone knows that, it’s elementary science.

Part two of the program is an indefinite extended temporary relocation to our Gravitas Lunar Weight Loss Concentration Colony. The moon has only one sixth of Earth’s gravity. Simply by moving to the moon, you can shed dozens, even hundreds of pounds. All without breaking a sweat.

Man:
I could never seem to keep the weight off. The diets made me eat cardboard wafers that tasted like old glue, and the exercise regimen gave my trainer a heart attack on the first day. But with Gravitas all I have to do is take drugs and live on the moon. And I feel great!

Woman:
The hardest part of dieting is the bland food and tiny portions. With Gravitas I shed almost 80 pounds just by leaving Earth’s atmosphere. And I can eat whatever I want! So long as it can be processed and dehydrated and put into a form where it will remain edible in extreme conditions under various pressures and temperatures in the near-vacuum conditions of space for extended periods of time.

Give up, get lost, and give in. Gravitas Lunar Weight Loss Program can help get you there.

*Medication must be taken at precisely the same time everyday, down to the second. If you take the pill on an even numbered second one day, but an odd numbered second the next, please call poison control and tell them to initiate Omega protocols. Make peace with your maker, and crouch under a desk or in a door jamb. Medication must not be subjected to photons (light) prior to ingesting or it is prone to become unstable, reverting to antimatter, causing a catastrophic explosion of energy, ripping a pig-sized hole in the fabric of space-time. Discontinue medication if you are allergic to butterscotch, you experience ringing of the ears ascending in elevators or upon escalators, or if you notice blurry green time termites in the periphery of your vision feeding on reality like a cancer. Never even think about Gravitas on an empty stomach.

**May cause dizziness, drowsiness, aggravated blinking, hummingbird lip, creased earlobe, temporal displacia, pineal cramp, cranky toe, flammable sneezing, sarcastic  diarrhea, eyeball sponge syndrome and related bodily dehydration, spontaneous conception, trucker’s grunt, non-binding material adhesion,intravenous photo-synesthesia, narcissist’s tan, crossed streams, electromagnetic ennui, octopus loss, spleen tilt,  grand mal dry socket, wombat pox, gray plague, general malignancy, projectile vanity, full frontal spinal ejection and burnt or withering stump.

 

Roadsong

roadsongI took my car today
and drove out for many miles
to where the road opens up
and the traffic disappears,
past seven islands of
fast food salvation,
past the edge of
radio reception,
where I found a song
from when I was younger.
As the darkness fell,
I sang it again…

There are roads branching off,
creeping over the horizon,
tracing paths into the unknown
where distant memories are held,
markers on the land where
I’ve left parts of my life behind,
let go of certain aspects,
abandoned ideas here
to be forgotten and fade away.
And I haven’t seen this
road since I was seventeen,
so sing it again…

Miles pass like the years,
each one faster than the last,
counting out the intersecting highways
like the rings of a tree.
Gravel kicks up memories below me,
the further I can get from where I was,
the closer I become to me,
so sing it again…

©Robert Emmett McWhorter 

Constellations

horoTrace the stars
Draw your path
Walk in the shapes
of Constellations
Tell everyone
That you’re wandering
aimless
Don’t let on the plan
Don’t let on…

Make your bed
Of grass and gravel
Sleep in the peace
of Constellations
Tell everyone
That they’re rich and
they’re famous
Don’t let on the plan
Don’t let on…

I’d get high
But I’m afraid of heights
I’d get high
I wobble when I drive
And my heart is
made of Styrofoam
It’s been packaged
Just for you

Talk with the stars
Make a promise
To live in the loft
of Infatuation
Tell my everything
Where your wandering
Mind Is
Tell me the plan
Tell me…

(august 1993)
© Robert Emmett McWhorter
published by Hermetic
Medical Records (ASCAP)

Neil Armstrong/ Explorers Day

‘Columbus sailed the ocean blue,
In fourteen hundred and ninety two…’

dalicolumbusWe’ve all heard this couplet. It was ingrained in us at school. Maybe it’s no coincidence that it seems to be the only part of the story that history has recorded correctly.

October 12 has long been observed as Columbus Day, coinciding with the day that the New World was ‘discovered’ some five hundred years ago. For the last few years, I have been saying we should change it to Neil Armstrong Day. It started as a little joke, one of the random, somewhat humorous off hand remarks I am likely to make.

But every year when the day comes up, or when the Apollo 11 mission gets mention, my resolve grows more serious. I have decided to add to my list of goals, along with a few other personal missions like Standardization of the English Language, the preposterous bucket list I have gathered with little hope of ever achieving, but never-the-less remain adamant and vocal about.

On October 12, 1492 Cristóbal Colón landed in the Bahamas while searching for a new and easier trade route with Asia and the Indian sub-continent. This much is true. The fact that the people who already lived here for thousands of years are still referred to at times as ‘Indians’ attests to his stubborn insistence that he thought he had sailed his way around the world. It didn’t take long to realize that this was not true, yet the ignorant if not offensive misnomer persists.

columbusdayWe were told in school that Columbus ‘discovered’ the Americas, but by now we all know this, also, is not true. Besides discounting the hundreds of thousands, more probably millions of Native Americans already living here, it has recently become generally accepted fact that he wasn’t even the first European to land on the continent. The Norse, The Vikings, specifically Leif Erickson, are currently considered to be the first to make the trip across the Atlantic some five hundred years previous. There are others who cite evidence of the Knights Templar, Irish Monks, The Dutch, The Scottish Freemasons, or the Merovingian French may have made the trip.

But the Natives, the ‘Indians’ as he insisted on calling them to downplay the mistake he had made in navigation or estimating the size of the planet, they were here first. And we know their story does not end well.

For a long time we heard that Columbus himself was not involved in the tragedy and travesty that is the story of the Native Americans after they were ‘discovered’, and he couldn’t be held responsible, in fact that it was wrong to blame him at all for the ultimate genocide that was committed on two continents.

columbusThis, we find out, is also not true. Columbus set himself up as Governor of the island he named San Salvador, took natives as slaves, the rest were forced to give up their own ways of life and beliefs and convert to Christianity, or be subject to violence or death.

Why then would we want to celebrate this man?

Indeed, for almost as long as there has been a Columbus Day, there has been protest and sometimes outrage against it. In much of South America it has been renamed as Discovery Day, which still seems like a slap in the face to the people who had already been living here. Other attempts to rename the holiday with politically correct titles and euphemisms has led to Dia de la Raza (‘The Day of the Race’), ‘Hispanity’ Day, and quite a few variations on the theme. It has also been called Day of Indigenous Resistance and Native Americans Day in more recent times. Hawaii is one of a handful of states that do not recognize the holiday, but instead mark a day of observance for the Polynesians who are credited for first landing on the Hawaiian Islands.

So I propose, instead of dragging this stale, immoral, and degrading celebration any further into the future, why not rename it, re-brand it for someone who truly deserves recognition?

armstrongsketchOn July 21, 1969, as part of NASA’s Apollo 11 mission, Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. Almost immediately and ever since, he has been likened as a ‘Modern Day Columbus’, although now I would argue this comparison is an insult to Armstrong’s legacy.

But if anyone is deserving of a Holiday in their honor, truly few can dispute Neil Armstrong.

He did not design or build the Saturn V rocket. He did not invent or collaborate on the hundreds of technological advances that came forth from these missions; many of our modern household devices such as cell phones, computers, navigation devices, and much of the progress made in health care, transportation, internet and communications, nanotechnology and robotics was born from NASA and the moon missions. And it is true, Neil Armstrong was just one man in the mission, the captain of the crew, and the first to step onto an alien surface and proclaim it ‘a giant leap for mankind’, but still just one man among the half million people who worked to make the moon landing possible.

armstrongstarBut as a spokesman, as a symbol of the achievement, there really is none more deserving in my opinion. After returning to Earth and making the obligatory rounds; the parades, the interviews, the speeches and such, he quietly slipped back into anonymity. He shrunk away from the spotlight, wishing just to live a normal, quiet life. He famously turned down requests to bask in the glory, to sell out the achievement, to promote his own name, or use this new status to his advantage.

This is why I suggest, a little more vocally and emphatically every year, we rename the day as Neil Armstrong Day, or at the very least Explorers Day.

"I am, and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket-protector, nerdy engineer -- born under the second law of thermodynamics, steeped in the steam tables, in love with free-body diagrams, transformed by Laplace, and propelled by compressible flow. As an engineer, I take a substantial amount of pride in the accomplishments of my profession." ~Neil Armstrong

“I am, and ever will be, a white-socks, pocket-protector, nerdy engineer — born under the second law of thermodynamics, steeped in the steam tables, in love with free-body diagrams, transformed by Laplace, and propelled by compressible flow. As an engineer, I take a substantial amount of pride in the accomplishments of my profession.”
~Neil Armstrong

He was just one man on the team, and indeed everyone involved should be considered a hero in his or her own way. But as a symbol of the achievement, and as the first man to actually step onto a surface that was not Earth, he is a perfect candidate for the honor. For the celebration of what mankind can achieve when we set our minds to it and all pull together and work as a team.

Add to it the fact that he actually achieved what history says he achieved, unless you believe the conspiracy theorists who claim it was done on a Hollywood sound stage, or until we find proof that the Vikings in fact landed there first five hundred years before.

© Robert Emmett McWhorter